I have wasted many an hour of my life in a state of regret. So many times I have beat myself up over how things should have turned out. Many tears I have shed over my woulda, shoulda, couldas. Minutes of my life that I can never get back have been lost in a state of regret. Those wasted minutes have added up to hours which have turned into days of my life that have been wasted on what ifs…
What if I hadn’t made so many mistakes in my 20’s? What if I had cared more about my credit when I was younger? What if I had known my worth before I gave so much of myself away to people who weren’t even worth my time? What if I hadn’t been so reckless in certain situations…where would I be?
What if I were allowed one do over?
That question stumps me. My mistakes, as painful and costly as they may have been have also been my tools for maturity and growth. The tears, they strengthened me. The heartache, it toughened me…then softened me just enough to Love when the time was right. And even though some of my mistakes had to be repeated before I got the message, where would I be if I hadn’t made that mistake, sometimes twice?
After contemplating the thought of one do over, I realized that there is one thing about my life that I wish I could do over and it has nothing to do with anyone else but me. It doesn’t include any of the people who hurt me nor the ones that lied on me, discredited me, abused me or misused me. My do over would involve my heart, my mind and my own inner voice.
I almost missed Black I History Month…and I don’t mean just blogging, I mean I literally almost forgot that this was Black History Month. And the media didn’t help me out much because they didn’t do much talking about it. I did see a few previews for programming that would air during the month but there wasn’t much hoopla this year about the one month that black people are supposed to be celebrated. It’s almost as if they forgot about us this year; they meaning them and us.
Did Roots come on this month? What about Go Tell it on the Mountain, The Color Purple or Do the Right Thing? I didn’t see any of those movies, neither did I really hear anyone saying “It’s Black History Month!”
Is this the beginning of the end? Is this how Black History Month will gradually be eliminated? Is this phase 1 of no special month for you people? It is scary to think that the one month they did allow us could now be taken away from us. What is even sadder is that we ever bought into the fact that we were given one month out of the year to celebrate being black and WE ACCEPTED IT. Not only did we accept it, we bragged about it, we smiled and jigged and enjoyed it. We loved being given one month to say “Black is Beautiful”. We were so proud to have an entire month to report on and talk about the important black folk who had paved the way so that we could arrive. Our hearts were made glad that we had received the special treatment of an entire month allotted to us to celebrate the successes of black people. After all we have contributed to very much of America’s history. We have invented today’s necessities, broken records, written and sang timeless songs and danced our way into history…just not into history books.