Category Archives: Health & Fitness

Currently

pit·y par·ty

noun

  1. an instance of indulging in self-pity or eliciting pity from other people.

 

emojiblogSometimes I think of all of the personal things I’d like to blog about and immediately realize that I cannot blog about them….sigh

It kind of defeats the purpose of having a personal blog when you can’t really make it as personal as you’d like it to be.

Sometimes I contemplate the idea of creating a blog where I can hide and blog about any and everything I’d like to blog about. A blog with no “real” author so that I can write without considering others feelings, one where I won’t face judgment for how I really feel because there is no “face” behind the writings.

On another note….

I’ve graduated my first child Yay…but really not yay. I have had such a plethora of emotion since graduation day that I am not really sure how I feel. I am so proud of my oldest son for pushing through and graduating from high school. There are so many things that happen daily in the lives of young  which can easily discourage them from being and doing positive yet my child did the right things and now has his high school diploma. I on the other hand sat home the night of his graduation purposely trying to get drunk, thinking about how many mistakes I made while raising him. I shed a few tears over the fact that I miss him as a boy so much, then I realized that I have three other children here and getting drunk and throwing a pity party is absolutely not an option.

Of course I still wanted to throw the pity party, but it’s kind of hard to do that when nursery rhymes are your background music and anytime you have even a dot, as my daughter would call it of quiet time, someone is guaranteed to swear they need you for an emergency, which won’t actually be an emergency, just an opportunity to disturb any dot of peace and quiet they THINK you may be indulging in.

dot1

dät/
noun
 
  1. 1.
    a small round mark or spot.

Other than reliving the past 18 years of my life almost daily I would say I’ve been pretty good. 😐 I’ve joined a book club, purchased a family membership for the Kroc Center,  I’m researching adding an additional stream of income and I’m preparing for summer break shenanigans with the kiddos.

How have you guys been?

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The Sunday Blues

Sundays are not good days for me…..

frustrated faceI don’t know what it is about Sundays but every Sunday without fail, I find myself in a bad mood, a nervous wreck and usually depressed by the end of the day.

The drama usually starts before noon when like clockwork I find something to argue with my husband about. The norm is about him napping after breakfast while I slave away with household chores, taking care of the kids and preparing for the work week. Usually after that he retreats upstairs where I follow him to talk calmly about why he doesn’t want to argue which leads to me discussing all of the things he should be doing instead of napping. After I don’t get the fight I sought from him I usually retreat and then go about household chores while screaming at children about making messes, calling my name repeatedly or constantly asking for snacks.

Around 3pm I am generally tired from starting arguments all morning so now I’m tired frustrated and ready for a nap which I won’t get because BOOM my husband is the only one allowed to take naps in this house. He loves them, the children hate them and I only get to daydream about them….so yeah around 3pm I make sure I have everything I need to prepare dinner, I drag myself in to the kitchen and instead of starting dinner I begin to play spades on my phone. I then play around on Facebook a while, find an article or two to read and when I look up again its 5pm. Now mind you I cleaned up earlier, but when I look up from my phone the children have destroyed the house again and this sends me into a tangent.

Where’s my husband, I’m ready to argue!

7pm…Dinner is done we are eating, well they are eating, I am acting as maid, butler and slave. I take a bite of food while also responding to the requests of my husband and children. I finish dinner but before the table can be cleared I need a glass or two or three of wine, if not I will not survive the rest of the night.

Between 8pm and 10pm I bathe the children and get them ready for bed…I may sneak in another argument with my husband now because I’m super tired and he is fully rested from his day of napping.

By 11 o’clock I am usually in bed, dreading waking up at the sound of my alarm at 5:45 a.m.

I write all of this because I truly want to do better. I am tired of this same ole Sunday routine of being mean because I’m tired and tired of being mean.

I don’t remember my Sundays being like this when I attended church services every Sunday. But then again my granny was alive then and my Sunday also involved a trip to her house to spend the day with family after church. Maybe I am missing those family traditions. Since I haven’t filled the voids they left maybe it is causing to me to in some kind of way grieve over how things used to be.

I don’t have the answers but I do know that I want something different. I’m tired of angry, tiring Sundays….