When You Have No Children Sometimes It’s Best to STFU

It always amazes me how some people who have zero children attempt to give parental advice. Not that people who don’t have children aren’t capable of giving good, sound advice about parenting, but sometimes…hmmm…how do I say this? Sometimes yall need to STFU

Simply STFU. I say this because many of the times when you are dishing out what you consider tips to parents on how to manage being a parent you are attempting to  give advice about something you have no clue about. And yes we know that you have nieces and nephews and god children (they go on and on about how they have practically raised their god children) but YOU don’t have children. When you have children in your life that you can send home, that does not count lol.

 Take for instance the many times  you have heard a person with no children talk about how children should be disciplined. They will go on and on about how they would react in specific situations and they go on and on about what they wouldn’t allow, but they haven’t been in those specific situations so who is to say what they may do or allow if they are ever in the predicament.

 True, you may know a little something about discipline but I double dog dare you that you don’t know what it is like to be with a two-year old in a department store who needs a nap, but claims that instead they need a snack, who not only wants to touch the delicate items in the department store but also wants to play “catch me if you can” with you while you are already tired from errands, housework and everything else under the sun.

It is very easy for a childless person to say that you should possibly give the child a few warnings and then spring into immediate disciplinary action BUT here is the kicker… you are tired yourself AND when disciplinary action #1 fails (as they often do) you may want to resort to disciplinary action #2 (an ass whoopin) but you can’t because you are in a public place and Lord knows that if you spank this child within a 500 foot radius of any person who views even the slightest tap of a child as child abuse then you may be hauled off to jail for spanking the child that you carried for nine months, were in labor for 25 hours with and have had to clean the snotty nose of for two years.

Lose Lose situation huh?

But it gets better…or does it. When this child becomes a teenager and your childless friends/family/associates begin to give you advice on what you should and should not allow your child to do, you wonder if they have any clue what it is like to raise a child whose attempts to be sneaky fail 98% of the time but even with these failed attempts they still have the courage to roll their eyes at you and do the very things that you have drilled in their heads not to do. As Mr./Mrs. Childless goes on and on about how you should not have let your child go to the mall or how they would Neeeevvvver allow their child’s room to look as disastrous as your child’s does you think to yourself are they aware that we are raising three children in a three bedroom house that we are barely making the mortgage on and that needs repairs? Yet they stand here talking about a few pairs of shoes strewn across my teenage son’s bedroom floor. Are you serious?

True, sometimes we desire the comforts of our friends and family when we are in distress about situations with our children, but sometimes the advice goes overboard and it goes from a listening ear to how you are failing as a parent.

Sometimes I wonder how these very people are going to react to the very situations they give advice about if they ever become parents. Will your child/ren be the best behaved, honor roll students that you desire them to be? Will they never talk back or roll their eyes? Will they keep their rooms clutter free? Will they go to school and act like the precious little angels that you have raised them to be? AND IF THEY DON”T what will you do? Will you be able to do all of the exact things in the exact manner of the advice that you have given to other parents. I’m here to tell you, it’s easier said than done. Being a parent is a blessing and a sacrifice. It takes the total effort of a person mentally and physically to adjust to the rollercoaster ride of being a parent. Parenting takes strength and sometimes Tylenol (Advil if that is what you prefer).

Being that I am a single woman I will tell you in an instant that I don’t give marital advice to people. I’m not married so I am not going to pretend that I know what it is like to have vowed forever to someone. Vowing forever to someone is very different from committing to be in a serious relationship with someone so being that I have not jumped the broom into “forever” I will listen to the married folk, I will give sisterly love advice but I will not tell you what you should or should not do pertaining to your husband and your marriage. I feel the same way about childless people. A listening ear is wonderful, a shoulder to cry on is great…and so is advice… sometimes. But sometimes, when you are stepping into a zone of unfamiliar territory that you are not personally experienced in you should probably stfu.

4 thoughts on “When You Have No Children Sometimes It’s Best to STFU”

  1. I don’t have children but as an educator I have spent a lot of time with chilldren and alot of time being educated by and for students/children.

    I have a degree in psychology (ba) and a masters in education. This doesn’t make me an expert in parenting but it has allowed me to gain a plethora of experience both with working with children and being educated on them.

    However in order to reach children so that you may teach them we must see then as our own.

    The advice I give….when asked is received well, however I have learned (due to a situation not directly involving a child) to refrain from giving advice, no matter how good it is, until asked

    I once redirected a friend’s (well now an ex-friend) child while she was in her own world doing who knows what.

    Her child wanted to eat spaghetti and I believe she sat him at the table and walked off.

    LOL at barely 2 he was unable to even reach the table and was making a mess.

    To reduce the mess (he was Fu$Kiin up my others friend’s (whose house we were at) table and chairs. I attempted to feed him

    Buuuut no, he wanted to feed himself!!

    No problem, that’s what children are supposed to do at 2. So I got him some newspaper and sat him in the kitchen (where the floor is tiled). Put both the food and him in the middle of the newspaper and let him feed himself.

    He was having a ball and was making very little mess when his mother got mad, took him off the floor, sat him back at the table (which was on a very light shade of carpet) and fed him. When she was finished she stormed back to the room and took her child with her!!

    I have seen alot of parents do some iiissh that I know better than to do!!

    Just because someone is a parent doesn’t mean they are good at it, and doesnt mean they can’t benefit from the knowledge comic from someone who doesn’t have any!!

    But as it is touchy so I take my advice and stuff it until asked!!

    If it is something that I am absolutely dying to say, I always ask if I may give my opinion!!

    If they say yes, then I do, if they say no then I STFU!! (lol)


  2. Hi BGT,

    I definitely can see where you’re coming from with this. I like to think I’m not giving advice to parents as much as I’m making note when parenting has gone wrong and left me dealing with their park apes wonderful children. Granted I have no hands on experience besides some one off babysitting experiences and hanging out with my god son.


  3. Don’t get me wrong you guys, sometimes parents need someone to let them know just how out of hand things have gotten. It’s not that we don’t know BUT it’s just that having someone say it puts it into a perspective that makes you see your situation just how others see it.

    On the other hand its those ppl who always have something to say about discipline and what they would neeeeevvvvverrrr do that work my nerves. You can hold on to a whole lot of never wills and would never dos until you are in the situation yourself, then and only then can you view it from the persepective of your own reality.


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