Whatever happend to good ole courting?


Courting died out with New Edition and nem…

Ralph once said

 ” Everyday I walk her home from school
And she tells me how she really feels
And there’s no doubt in my mind
That this girl is one of a kind
Cause all I keep thinking about is her in my arms
And I won’t feel the same until she is mine
But my friends
keep telling me to
Cool It Now

Ralph said something with that didn’t he? Those lyrics come from the song Cool it Now  by New Edition. It is from the time period where courting existed and it was a good thing. That was back when men and women weren’t afraid to dance together at a party and a man would even give you his jacket when it was chilly outside and you got cold. That was back when the club scene was more about meeting people, having fun and dancing, dancing dancing…now the club scene is a fashion show where not many people dance and the majority of the crowd is either high off one or more drugs or selling drugs to get you high.

Being a thirty year old woman I can honestly say that I wish I had entered womanhood in the courting era. I hear tales of this wonderful time of hand holding and great love songs, but sadly I only know of it from the tales of my elders. The era I came of age in, the 90s, was one of stemming violence and great increase in teenage pregnancy and ignorance on almost every level of living. (Yall know I ain’t lyin) We had good times in the 90s, but let’s be honest, the 90s is when things began to go downhill at a fast pace. I wanna say that the last courtship I know of took place in the early 90s. I wasn’t even old enough to date then, so by the time I got to the dating age, courting was over and done with. 

Courting can be defined as: The act or period of wooing a woman. (American Heritage
Dictionary, 1981) 
 There are four ingredients to courtship: Action. Time Frame. Pursuance. Response of
a Woman.

(doesn’t that sound like a man really has to plan some ish out if he wants you as his woman…I like that)


In Contrast…
Dating is labeled as: Informal. To make or have a social engagement
There are four ingredients to dating:
Creation. Action. Social Activity. Either Gender can Pursue

Dating sounds more like what I what I am accustomed to and have witnessed since I have been of age.

But why don’t mean court women anymore? Good question, and I think I have the answer.

Men don’t court women because women don’t allow themselves to be courted. Most single women do more pursuing and throwing themselves at men these days, so how can a man approach, pursue and court you if you have pursued, thrown yourself at and sexed him before he can even begin the process.

Think about it. So many women whine about not being able to find a good man BUT as soon as they meet a man they call, text, pursue and harass him so much that the gentle act of courtship has no time to take place.

Women claim to want the gentle wooing of a man, but before a man can woo them they have sexed then harassed him. Shouldn’t the woo come before the sex?

I know that the times have changed, but I just wish we could bring back the good ole days of courting. Sadly, courting has been replaced by open relationships and anything goes. Hell these folks singing about wetting beds  and  novacane. I just can’t get into it. Give me some Latest and Greatest and some Same Ole Love and keep all the nasty, raunchy stuff!

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3 thoughts on “Whatever happend to good ole courting?”

  1. Music influences SOOOOO much! Great blog! I totally agree with you…I find myself avoiding the radio stations K97 and Hot 107.1. Instead, I have been gravitating toward 88.5 and 101. It is not because I’m getting older…it is because I appreciate the romance of things. Granted I will rock out to the newest stuff when in a partying mood, but that’s not what I want all of the time. The nature of holding out was instilled in me very early (thank God for fathers). If I were out in the “dating” scene (which I am not), I would have to play hard to get because that would allow to me weed out the individuals who were not worth my time anyway. However, something tells me that I might be out there a long, long…LONG time…LOL…

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  2. Thanks for that article on courting. Believe it or not courting still exist. One place that it does exist is in the Nation of Islam under the leadership of Minister Farrakhan. Of course their is a way to do it successfully but for sure courtship heightens the excitement of one day getting with that special suitor in marriage. In addition it allows each to get to know the other one’s personal, mental, spiritual, financial etc. background without being clouded with the emotion accompanied with premarital sex. Since there is no sex before marriage if the courtship doesn’t work out you can move on to the next potential mate without loss of reputation. In this way, I believe that it is a beautiful process and good for female and the male.

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  3. Thanks Lynda for stopping by and commenting.

    I agree with you when you say “Courtship heightens the excitement of one day getting with that special suitor in marriage.”

    When you take the time to genuinely get to know someone, taking it slow and checking them out with your mind and your heart and not just your lust it is a very beautiful experience. These days people move so fast and when they look up they have given away all that they have (heart, mind, body, soul) to a person that they never really knew.

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