Dear OLD Man, You Have NOT brought Sexy back


Sexy is swag, not your shag..ugh

Just a few days ago as I was walking across a convenience store parking lot, a very nice car with tinted windows slowed down beside me. Because I am wary of strange men who slow down their cars at the sight of any and all nice looking women, I generally speed up when this happens. Today was just like any other day, so I sped up only for the car to speed up too. When I turned to look at the vehicle the driver let the window down and smiled brightly.

Now there are a few things that bother me enough for me to blog about them and one of them is old men who think a nice car and a full set of teeth makes them the hot shit once again. Old men who attempt young man swag is sooo annoying to me. It irks me to the 10th power. It makes me want to jack them up by the collar and run down the list of things to them that make them UNsexy.

So as this old fella rolled down his window I gave him my most disgusted, get yo ass on look that I could prepare at a moment’s notice. I mean it was one of those ugh you know you wrong looks. I tried to curl my lip up a little with it just to show this man that I had no interest in his sugar daddy offers or whatever old stale game he would try to run.

In other words, get yo old ass on before I embarrass you out here. That is just how crucial the look I gave him was.

But instead of roll his window back up and drive away this old fella smiled even broader and asked me did I need a ride.

A few things…

As he approached me in the parking lot I had my car keys in my hand and I was walking towards a car. What other clues he needed to see that I was driving I don’t know but maybe the inability to connect these details were a part of his Alzheimer’s or something.

I quickly shot him a NO with my look of utter disgust still on my face and even though his Cheshire cat smile had faded he still looked like he wasn’t done attempting to find himself a PYT.

Now I know that some of you are reading this and giving me the side -eye because I am being so rough on the old men who are “single and ready to mingle” but honestly most of them that I have encountered have been ready to mingle but DEFINITELY not single. They either have a wife at home or have a wife that has kicked their cheating tales out of the home.

I have been approached by so many old men who think they are sexy that it’s almost embarrassing to admit. Hell its even more frightening that most people tell me that I look younger than I actually am, yet these old men are attracted to me. Maybe I remind them of their high school sweethearts or something, who knows.

I have never understood what makes anyone date someone double their age, but hey to each his/her own. But as for me, if are more than ten years older than I am we have nothing to wrap about, and honestly 10 years my senior is stretching it, but who knows there might be a smooth talking forty-year old man out there that could pull Black Girl Thinking…who knows.

But if you were in school while they were still segregated or if you picked any cotton in your lifetime, sir it is best that you don’t even pretend to ask for my phone number.

So as I sped up to reach my car before Old Man River said anything else. Just as I reached my car he said something really stupid. (Yes even more stupid than did I need a ride) He asked me was I married and if so was I happily married. sidenote: happily married line is even more annoying than this man’s smile.  I turned looked at him and politely said, “No I’m not married, but I am taken.”

If you only knew how hard it was for me to say that politely, but I was polite because my mama always told me to respect my elders. I don’t curse in front of elderly people so I definitely wouldn’t curse out an elderly person; and this guy was definitely elderly. Behind his tinted windows I could see the blue of his handicapped hangtag hanging from his rearview mirror. After I told him that I was taken, he flashed that big smile again and rolled up his window.

What is it about old men in fancy cars that makes them believe that a nice car makes them sexy?  Sure there are old men that are still handsome IN THEIR OLD AGE, but sexy, you find me a sexy old man and I will be willing to admit to his sexiness! lol

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2 thoughts on “Dear OLD Man, You Have NOT brought Sexy back”

  1. Black Girl:

    A lot of older brothas are trapped in a time machine that doesn’t know the meaning of refresh. Brothas have always had style and flair, but, there comes a time in life when a brotha has to let go of the past. As blackmen, we have to continue to grow and evolve to keep up with the world, because, the globe doesn’t stop spinning for anybody or anything. The jeri-curls, gold-caps, and pimp-ology from the 1970s are a snapshot in black history, but brothas can’t be slaves to a time that transpired four decades ago. The 70s were great in terms of black culture, politically not so much. We started backpedaling in the 70s, and we haven’t stopped since.

    Tyrone

    Like

  2. Girl, you are FUNNY! I could visualize this so clearly. And it’s such a shame. I bet that man was old enough to be your daddy. I mean, really, they need to learn their roles.

    Like

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