Boom I Got Your Boyfriend, I Got Your Man

***picks up microphone***

Dear self-proclaimed man stealer, I know that you cannot see my face right now but please believe that I am giving you the serious side-eye . There are many things that people should be proud to be self-proclaimed such as leaders, life coaches, motivational speakers and other things of the positive sort, but a self-proclaimed man stealer is nothing to be proud of.  NOTE TO YOU- you cannot steal a man! Anytime you steal a human that is called kidnapping and I seriously doubt that you consider your deeds kidnapping. Also I would like to point out that just because you think it is cute to share a man, that does not mean that in reality it is. Honestly it makes you look quite much like a loser.

***puts down microphone*** 

Boom I got your boyfriend, I got your man!

There have always been a slew of songs to go along with the “I Got Your Man, What You Gonna Do About It,” mindset of those that proclaim the victory of “stealing” someone else’s man. Whether it be the catchy chant of Boom I got Your Boyfriend by Miami Bass artist MC Luscious, or the sultry voices of R&B Group Mokenstef informing the woman on the side that He’s Mine, You May  Have Had Him Once, But I’ve Got Him All the Time. There has never been a shortage of songs reciting messages of sizzling affairs and scandalous love triangles.

Facebook of course has become one of the most popular places to cheat…or be cheated on and statuses have become the favorite utensil for the messages of these affairs to be broadcast. 

The majority of us have people on our Facebook friend’s list who post statuses of their rendezvous and even though we consider them “friends” we shake our head in disbelief at some of the foolishness they post via Facebook. Honestly I was tempted to copy some of my “friends” statuses from Facebook directly into this post in hopes that they would read this and say “Damn, did I really sound that ridiculous when I posted that for everyone to see” or “Wow am I really living a lifestyle in which I am sharing a man and proud of it, because if so I bet I look like quite the damn fool!”  Here we go…and don’t act as if you guys don’t see this absurdity too and wonder what woman cares so less about her reputation that she would broadcast these things to the world.

“Last night was wonderful. Yes I know you are with her now, but she better believe that you will always come back to me.”

“Don’t check his phone or his pockets, you know he was with me. I don’t bother him when he is with you so please show me the same respect.”

“If he is your man, why is he spending the night with me?”

“You may be his wife, but I have his heart.”

First lets tackle the idea of “stealing” a man. When you steal something that means that it has no choice in the taking. Stealing means you take something without permission or right. So how exactly do you “steal” a person?  Please believe that if a man cheats with you or leaves his woman for you, that is not stealing, that means he made a decision to go with you. So you can remove the pat on the back you gave yourself for “stealing” this man. He was a willing participant.

Now about the aspect of receiving as much respect as the wife or the”main woman” GTFOOH Repeat the statement to yourself twice and admit honestly whether it sounds worthy of respect.  

“Don’t check his phone or his pockets, you know he was with me. I don’t bother him when he is with you so please show me the same respect.”

We will wait on you to give your honest perception of whether you deserve respect from a woman that you are sharing a man with, or the respect of anyone else that you are fool enough to brag about it to. There is nothing respectable about willingly sharing a man. Before you demand respect from others, demand respect from yourself. Kids share toys and cookies, grown people don’t share lovers.

Now on to broadcasting these deeds to the world as if you have done something spectacular. Barack Obama as President is spectacular, you sleeping around with a man that you know is already involved is not spectacular; its scandalous and trifling. If you would not broadcast stepping in a pile of dog poop while wearing flip-flops, why would you broadcast a lifestyle that says your self portrayal is that you aren’t worth more than a pile of dog poop?

There are times when women are cheated on an unknowingly share a man. But knowingly sharing a man is weird in a “I don’t give a damn about myself way” It is weird in a “I deserve nothing but leftovers” way. It is weird in a “Poor me, I don’t deserve to be happy way.” So before you make the conscious decision to share a man think about how it makes you look. Before you claim stakes to a man who is being shared, remember that if she is a fool for sharing him with you, aren’t you the same fool for sharing him with her?

Some may wonder why I directed this solely at women and didn’t include the deeds of men who don’t mind sharing. My reasoning behind this is the huge number of women I see on a daily basis who are proud to be second, or third or sometimes so far down the line of women that they have lost count. Women are brazen and rapacious on Facebook while taunting the “other woman” about her activities with their “shared” man. She will post status after status about who this man really loves and wants to be with yet somehow she forgets that she too is the other woman.

Ladies lets wake up and realize that there is nothing cute about sharing a man. I don’t care how long you have been with him or how much you feel you have to lose by giving him up. If a man is a willing participant and allows himself to be with someone else, allow him to do just that, just don’t be a willing participant in the love triangle. Value yourself enough to know that allowing foolishness and bad treatment only makes room for more foolishness and bad treatment. What you accept is what you will one day regret…

And to the self-proclaimed man stealers. One day when the shoe is on the other foot don’t be alarmed when you don’t feel so happy to be a part of the triangle. You see, it may be fun now because you feel that you have the upper hand, but when karma kicks in and you don’t feel like sharing, think back to when you felt that sharing was ok.

Other articles from Black Girl Thinking on Relationships & Cheating

Hide In the Closet Pleeeaaase Part I , Part II, Part III

When Cheating is Your Only Option


6 thoughts on “Boom I Got Your Boyfriend, I Got Your Man”

  1. I think that mentality stems from having low esteem. It genuinely makes someone feel like they “got it” or “still got it” to be able to “steal” a person from another.

    Also, any TV show where 20 women resort to shady tactics in order to “win” a man gives the wrong idea on how to handle themselves.


  2. @ Chap, I agree I see a lot of women who have this mentality that deep down have self esteem issues. They put on a big show as if they are really doing something, but really they don’t have enough self-respect and self-love for themselves to feel that they deserve better.


  3. @Dasmokingace83 thanks for stopping by and commenting.
    Sadly this behavior is not frowned upon as much as it used to be. So many people these days commend this type of behavior. It used to be a disgrace, but now it is out in the open and accepted by far too many people.


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