My Boyfriend Can Cheat…My Husband Can’t


                                                                                    Women, I think we are losing it. We are straight up trippin’ and I mean trippin’ in a major way.

Why is it that women will go through hell and high water and accept top-level bullshit from a boyfriend, but once they get married if their husband so much as flirts with a woman they are ready to call it quits. Am I the only person that sees a problem with this?

This is a true story, read it and tell me if it makes any sense to you, because honestly even after two years passing by and witnessing this first hand I still don’t understand this…

There was a woman who dated her boyfriend over five years. In those five years they conceived two children together.  They met in their mid-twenties and during their courtship he took the sistah down through there. He cheated several times. She had her tires slashed by one of his girls on the side, he blacked her eye once (maybe twice, there was a possible that she hid with makeup, but we knew the deal) and on top it all off for almost a year he didn’t even acknowledge that they were in a relationship. If you were to ask her, they were 4 years strong and still together, if you asked him, she was his baby mama and they were no longer together. She went through hell with this man.  I mean for a while I thought she was on the some drugs by her appearance. She was no longer the lively chick I remember. Suddenly she was confrontational all of the time. She looked like she needed a good home cooked meal, a shopping spree and some common sense. She was wearing herself ragged worrying over this triflin’ man who did what he wanted, how he wanted and WHO he wanted. It took sistah girl five years to open her eyes and realize that this man meant her no good. And even after she left she still came back several times because she loooovvvveded him *eye roll* When she finally did leave him for good, suddenly the kids weren’t his, or so he proclaimed. He wanted DNA tests done and he wanted them done ASAP. He knew she didn’t have money for it and he refused to pay for it. To make a long story short he ended up on child support for both of HIS children and she went on with her life. She then meets a man who has a good head on his shoulders. He falls in love with her, she falls in love with him and after a year and a half of dating he asks her to marry him. They get married, have a child together and after three years of marriage he is unfaithful. The same woman who put up with five years of bullshit from a boyfriend, kicked her husband to the curb so fast he didn’t have time to tie his shoes before he was sent packing. The wife didn’t want to hear a word from him. She didn’t care how sorry he was. She didn’t care that he didn’t have any real feelings for the mistress. The wife could care less that her husband proclaimed that he loved her and that he wanted to make things right. His apologies went in one ear and out the other. Five months after she found out about his affair she filed for divorce.

Am I the only person that wanted to scream? Well I did scream, not at her, but at her way of thinking.  As a woman myself I can understand the whole woman scorned thing and being fed up. But what I don’t understand is how a woman can accept truckloads of bullshit off of a man who she is in no way legally tied to nor have made any marital vows with, but can kick her husband to the curb like a kick ball.

I get the point that after going through so much with the first loser boyfriend that she made up her mind that she would never let a man do her wrong again, but doesn’t your vow many anything? I may sound really old fashioned and even a tad bit silly by saying this, but once I get married it’s a wrap. The brother is gonna have to do exactly what those vows say and I plan to do the same. For better or worse we will have to hang in there because once we jump that broom I am all his and if the rain should fall he’d better grab and umbrella and we’d better jump over puddles together because divorce is not a word I want included in my vocabulary once I say “I Do.”

But over and over again I see women separating from their husbands over Facebook flirting and things as petty and trivial as ex-girlfriends popping up. Yet these same women loved the stanky drawers of men who cheated, lied and didn’t care that they knew they cheated and lied. I mean seriously, is it that easy to love a cheating boyfriend who didn’t marry you, but get rid of the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with?

Cheating is wrong regardless of who does it, boyfriend or husband. But I would feel more obligated to try and work things out with my husband than I would justify staying with a boyfriend who can’t even pretend he is interested in marrying me. I know that some of the anti-marriage people will say that marriage doesn’t make any difference anyway, but I am strongly PRO marriage and I feel that marriage comes with obligations, responsibilities and a commitment to the vows that were made. So why toss it away so easily?

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13 thoughts on “My Boyfriend Can Cheat…My Husband Can’t”

  1. My thinking on this is if the vows didn’t mean enough to him NOT to cheat, they aren’t going to mean enough for ME to try and stay and work out a relationship that now has no trust in it.
    For a man who is JUST a boyfriend, I think the commitment is a little different. I mean, the vows are not made to a boyfriend, in front of God and a churchful of people. The vows aren’t made AT ALL. Not that I’m going to stand for his cheating (probably why I’m still single now) but he’s not OBLIGATED to be faithful to a girlfriend. A HUSBAND on the other hand is JUST as obligated to respect and HONOR his vows to NOT CHEAT as a WIFE is to try and make her marriage work once the vows have been broken (by either of them.)
    Of course, in the woman’s case in the story, she DID put up with cheating during a semi-relationship for FIVE years. She probably figured that even while married, once he cheats, there’s no rectifying that situation. She forgives, they “work on it” and he cheats AGAIN…cycle repeats itself. Only it hurts more, IMO, in a marriage than in a plain boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You made a PROMISE before God, myself, and others that you’d be with me and ONLY me…and you turned around and basically admitted, before God, myself, and others, that you’re a liar and not to be trusted.
    After 3 yrs, I’ve already given you everything I have…maybe she had nothing left to give in the way of “working it out”. No matter how sorry he’d been……..She’d been through it before.

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  2. I can understand a woman saying she has been down that road before and she won’t do it again but if they can forgive cheating boyfriends over and over why not try to forgive the man you vowed to spend the rest of your life with. If there is anyone you are willing to forgive short l shouldn’t it be your spouse

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  3. I think that it was more on the line of “I’m not going to allow this again”. At the same time the love must wasn’t there anymore and this was just a way out of the marriage. To say vows is to try and hold true to them. Not giving up on them when the true test of your love comes about. No one is perfect and things do happen that we all wish we could take. But to give up on your marriage after the first sign of trouble is like you were never in the marriage to begin with.

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  4. From my perspective, I think she saw what forgiving her loser boyfriend over and over got her in the end, and she realized that she was a damned fool for allowing it. She then made up her mind not to be that stupid ever again, hence the rapid-fire bolting when her husband cheated just once. She probably thought, “Oh no, I spent 5 years putting up with b.s. and think I had something with a downright pig. I’m not going down that road again! SCREW THAT! HELL NO!”. I doubt she was even thinking, “i made vows, etc.” She probably saw history repeating itself (from her perspective) and decided to rip out the page before that chapter was written.

    I can’t say that I agree or disagree with her decision regarding the husband (I know I don’t understand why she put up with the sad-sack boyfriend at all), since it’s easy to say what you would/would not do in a certain situation. Did she jump the gun? Maybe. Was the husband sincere with his mea culpa? Maybe. *sighs* Since she shut him out completely, we’ll never know.

    What I am wondering is if pre-marital counseling was pursued, not to mention therapy. After 5 years with Sad Sack, I think those should have been done before there was any walking down the aisle.

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  5. I’m siding with your friend on this one. If she’s already been through this before, she is actually a smart woman to not accept her husband’s infidelities. When you say ‘I DO’, the whole world changes in matters of your relationship. Before when she was with her boyfriend, she was still working on proving to the world she was worth keeping a man, hence her constantly taking a deadbeat back all of the time. Now that she’s married, she’s already proved to the world as well as herself she is worth more than a deadbeat. Now this idiot husband of hers is the one with the screwed up thinking. He probably already knew her past and how far the other dude got to go and is testing the waters. Unfortunately, she’s a one-and-done chick and isn’t about to be played again. His fault, not hers. Her boyfriend never made a life long commitment in front of God and everyone that he would love and honor her as her husband did. This is why he deserves everything she throws at him. Not only does he already know what she has been through, he also knows how much she already loved and trusted him, and he blew it.

    Not saying she’s the perfect innocent one in all of this. There is obviously a character flaw within herself as to why she keeps collecting cheaters. She’s not keeping everything as it should in her home for her men to wonder all of the time. She needs to reflect on her owns actions as to why that keeps happening.

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  6. @Peta thanks for stopping by and commenting. I agree that we can always say what we would or wouldn’t do when we aren’t the one in the situation. And as far as I know of know pre-marital counseling was done and there definitely was no counseling done before the marriage ended. She definitely came into the marriage with tons of baggage from the previous relationship. Maybe counseling could have helped them to stay together. But she was definitely in the mindset of been through it before and not going through it again, so I think that if they had seen a counselor maybe things could have worked, since a lot of her leaving had to do with what she had gone through in the past

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  7. @Mario Yeah I think she defintely didn’t want to go through that again but like you said maybe this was an easy way out to avoid having to see what the future holds. Maybe leaving completely was just a way to guard her heart from what she thought was going to happen. However to me it was too quick and not thought through

    @Lashanta and Buttaflyy Isn’t being married changing your way of thinking though when it comes down to relationships? If you make a vow to be with a person forever, what someone else did to you in the past, is just that… past. You are now focused on this one person and making what you have with them work. Your hurt of the past should be set apart from the person you made vows to.

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  8. Yes, the past is the past, but it also makes us who we are. If we tossed out all of the life lessons we learned before marriage, we wouldn’t know what to do when we got married. Would it be any different if her ex-boyfriend beat her for 5 years before she left and then her husband knocked her out once and she bounced? Would we tell her the past is the past and she needs to learn how to deal with it from a married woman’s perspective now?

    And why are we focusing on her doing what she needs to do to take care of herself and her children, when her husband is the one that broke the vows? I know and understand what you’re saying about marriage being a whole different world from dating, but as a married woman that was in a horrible relationship prior even dating my husband, I can totally see her point of view. She put her whole life into her ex-boyfriend and he mistreated her countless times. This is a horrible example for her children, much less good for her or her health. Finally, she realized it and moved on. Second time around, she does it the best way she knows and got married to what she thought was a good man. He turns around and stabs her in the back. Of course he’s sorry. She probably told him she would never take that road again before they even got married and now he’s about to lose her.

    When will men ever realize the more they put a good woman down, the stronger she becomes, and the less she needs him?

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  9. I think she’s just learning from her past mistakes. Infidelity is never okay whether its your boyfriend or your husband. She realized this, and it took her less time to leave the situation this time around.

    People don’t just have a mishap, slip up AND into a bed, and cheat. He chose to dishonor his wife. He chose to break a vow, and she chose to leave. I think that would actually cut deeper than a cheating boyfriend simply because they committed to one another in front of family, friends, and most importantly God. I’m pro-marriage and all as well, and I never want to experience a divorce, but even I would have a hard time coping with that (even if I put up with a cheating boyfriend in the past or NOT). Cheating is always disrespectful and should never be excused or tolerated.

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