Recently I had a conversation with someone and the conversation of cheating came up. Now this person is a well-known cheater…I mean a classified cheating veteran. The kind of cheater that everyone knows is a cheater and in some odd way has had his/her cheating accepted because their peers feel that in some form of fashion they either got the cheating through genetics or they just can’t help being forced into cheating;, so I shouldn’t have been surprised when he said that many times men cheat because it is their only option. Of course I gave him the super side eye when he said this, but then I began to think about the
one few times that I cheated and how in some odd, selfish way I may have felt compelled to cheat. No I was not forced at gunpoint to cheat, neither was I in such distress with my current relationship that I felt that cheating was my only way out. However I do remember feeling as if at that point in my relationship cheating was…how can I put this? Cheating was an option that I should explore.
Now even after typing that I feel kind of bad because that goes against every moral statement I have ever made concerning cheating. I have always been the one to say that before you cheat you should leave. One of my favorite anti-cheating slogans has been, cheating is just an excuse to have your cake and eat it too. So when it comes down to my own cheating I wonder if maybe I didn’t leave because I wanted my cake and eat it too. But then as I reflect back on that one time O_0 that I cheated, I recall feeling greatly disappointed in my current relationship and even though the love was still there, the excitement and all of the other bells and whistles had long gone.
A psychiatrist would probably say that we could have done some things to bring back the spark, but sometimes the spark has been put out, drenched with water and completely fizzled out. There is nothing left to light and either both or one of the parties don’t wish to try and re-ignite it. From my personal experience once the spark was far gone, so was my desire to remain faithful. It is hard for me to admit that, but it is true. At some point I began to think that if I found someone worth cheating with they would sweep me off my feet, marry me and we would live happily ever after and have everything we ever desired. Sounds like a fairy tale doesn’t it? When the cheating was over and it was all said and done, that is all that it had been; a fairy tale that turned into confusion, disappointment and no happily ever after. But what had I expected? The act of cheating had been wrong and so had justifying my behavior in doing so.
But had cheating been my only option?
Of course not. Cheating only convinced me more that if you are truly unhappy with your relationship you either do something to make it better or you Get the Hell Outta Dodge. There is no fill in the bubble option that if this or that goes wrong in a relationship you are now allowed to cheat. When people justify cheating it says to me that you don’t feel so bad about what you did. The definition of cheating includes words such as deceit, violate, defraud, deceive or elude. If you can honestly justify deceiving, eluding, defrauding or violating someone, then maybe you are one of those people who can accept cheating as an “only option.” However, for those of us who don’t like to be characterized as one who deceives, eludes, defrauds or violates people, cheating is never an only option.
- Do Cheaters Deserve a Second Chance? (socyberty.com)
- Inventive NFL Wives Start Anti-Cheating Club [Ground Rules] (jezebel.com)