**to the tune of Jill Scott’s He Loves Me **
You love me…especial…ly WHEN I HAVE PLENTY OF MONEY TO SPEND
You love me…especial…ly WHEN THERE IS SOMETHING IN IT FOR YOU
You love me…especial…ly WHEN I CAN COVER ALL OF THE BILLS
You love me…especial…ly WHEN I BUY YOU EXPENSIVE GIFTS (even if I really can’t afford them)
You love me…especial…ly WHEN I HAVE MONEY TO BLOW…ESPECIALLY ON YOU
and when I can do those things…..
you ignite me,
you love me,
you like me,
incite me to chorus,
BUT if I can’t…you don’t like me so much 😦
Unfortunately money and finance are the foundation of many relationships and marriages. Many people tie their commitment to money and material things instead of compatibility and genuine desire to be with a person..Sadly many of these relationships end with turmoil and frustration because of one of the following reasons:
- The big spender no longer has big money to spend (this usually ends with them being ditched/dumped/let go of aka kicked to the curb)
- The big spender is no longer willing to spend money on someone whose main reason for being with them is their money
- The money hungry mate finds someone with even more money and decides that money talks and…(well you know the rest)
- The big spender realizes that they are being used and now they want out
- One or both people realize that what they thought or pretended was love, was actually not love and now they want out
Either way these relationships don’t generally end as happily ever after scenarios; but what do you expect when you make commitments based on someone’s financial status. Financial stability is never a lifelong promise. There are millionaires that go broke, so why anyone would believe that their husband who “makes good money” will forever be in the position to splurge is puzzling to me. People should remember that life isn’t even promised to us, so you can imagine how far down the line of promises big money is. It has to be somewhere done there with good health and pretty skin.
I must also say though that some people don’t go into relationships because of finances, yet in the end finances becomes “the problem.” Sometimes the lack of funds becomes such a huge issue in relationships that suddenly things are all wrong and it takes a moment for those involved to realize that the underlying culprit of their problems is money. Many times small disagreements over unpaid bills eventually turn into huge fights over garnishments and later into break ups and divorces. Sadly money often does more talking in relationships than the people actually involved in the relationships. Money talks and so does the unpaid bills, lack of extra spending money. In the end if the money isn’t there neither is the love.
But why is it that once the money dissolves so does the affection and the good times? Why are people getting divorced because they can no longer afford vacations and brand new cars? Why are couples fighting and breaking up because he can no longer take her to nice restaurants and buy pricy gifts. Shouldn’t love exist even when the money isn’t as lucrative as it used to be?
This is where conditional and unconditional love comes in. The definition of unconditional love is as follows:
Unconditional Love – Love with no limits or conditions; complete love
When a person enters a relationship basing their love on conditional terms such as finance, the love is not unconditional. Loving a person because of what they have to offer you financially means that if they don’t have this “thing” to offer you, then you no longer feel the need to love them. True you may still love them, but most times if you enter it based on money, you leave it based on money. If you cannot love them without the condition of money being involved what you are experiencing is not unconditional love, it is love with conditions…money being the condition that must exist in order for the relationship to survive….and in most cases it doesn’t.
You can find more from Black Girl Thinking on ♥ Love here