Talk About Love ♥

beach-love-sand-water1  ♥LOVE.

Notice the period behind that one single word love as if it were a complete sentence, a complete thought and the end of the complete sentence or thought.

With that being said I would like to ask a question…In relationships, when you talk about love, what exactly do you mean? When you say that you love someone it is automatically unconditional, is it conditional or is it just a beginner’s love and should beginner’s love even be considered love. For those that don’t know what I am referring to when I say beginner’s love I am talking about that sweet feeling that creeps upon you way before it should and makes your heart skip a beat over someone you don’t know the half or the whole about…you know…beginner’s love!

So many times people say that they love someone without knowing what stage of “like” they were in before they allowed love to slip from their mouth.  Of course there is no time limit or expectancy period on love, but sometimes love is so rushed that once the newness of it wears of you suddenly remember that you don’t even like this person that much so damn sure don’t love them. But then there is that tricky part because even though you don’t have that forever and ever and ever love for them, your heart still has love for them. You still love them, but which level of love you have for them has yet to be determined.

True love (they say) bears all, believes all, hopes all, and endures all. ((That’s a lot isn’t it)) If true love encompasses all of those things then I would have to say that the majority of the people who think that they love someone really don’t have true love. If all of this love floating around were all true, 100% unconditional love  then so many marriages wouldn’t end in divorce and so many people wouldn’t “love” everybody that came along that interest them.

I agree that true love bears all, believes all, hopes all, and endures all.  But that does not mean that a person should suffer or be treated unfairly by the one they love in order to continue loving them. You can love a person but know that they are not right for you. You can love a person but know that they cause you more harm than good. That doesn’t stop you from loving them, it just shows that even while harboring true, unconditional love for them you utilize your common sense and understand that love does not mean accepting mistreatment and that true love does not always mean two people will be together.

BUT who defines if love is true?  Each heart has its own configuration, so each person’s love is defined solely by them. Many people will say that if you truly love someone you won’t cheat on them. If you cheat then you didn’t really love them. BUT for those that have truly loved and have cheated they will tell you that when they cheated it did not affect the love they had for their spouse one bit. Just because they cheated their love was not altered and no love was lost for the one they proclaim true love for.

SO I ask, if you cheat does that mean that you don’t truly love someone? Is it possible to love someone and cheat and not not take from the other? For instance, if you cheat does it affect the love you have for your spouse and if you cheat does the love you have for you spouse affect the cheating?

Love does not come with a clause that says two people must remain together forever. Love does not come with a mandatory forever statue. True love may always exist in ones heart but the existence of love does not guarantee it in return or its continuance. ♥


4 thoughts on “Talk About Love ♥”

  1. I certainly think the heart is capable of loving two people at once…the actions of cheating all depends on the person and their views.


  2. Black Girl…. this is a great one!

    Bit of relevant background. I was married 20 years ago to a girl who I believe I would have been with forever. I certainly felt I loved her. We vowed before God and a couple hundred friends and family that we would love, honour and cherish. That love was not a feeling but a commitment, etc. etc.

    We were divorced 15 years later.

    I believe as you describe that love can be forever. And I am not referring to the feelings of attraction, captivation, or having one’s heart skip a beat. I believe those are the feelings that can be the benefits of love.

    I believe we feel them early because we are not really in love with the person, but the dream. Consciously or subconsciously, we have set our expectations on what we hope will be. “What we hope” does not include things that hurt us in our interactions with another person. Yet, when the relationship moves forward and we spend time together and interact and coexist, we eventually collide with one another. It is just human nature. But this is contrary to the dream.

    I believe if we are realistic, we can pre-anticipate that this is eventually going to show up. Here is an example in another context of a relationship. I was training a new colleague about 18 months ago. Things were going great. She showed tremendous promise, learned fast, we communicated well, and began to work effectively as a team.

    I mentioned in passing that I felt any two or more people co-existing in the same environment for any period of time will eventually collide. Sure enough, a few months later, I said something innocently that she found devastatingly hurtful. She reacted in an extreme way. We both ended up apologizing and talking it through. My final comment was “Do you remember me saying that all people eventually collide in some manner? Well I think we just collided”.

    This put the situation into context. It just happens to all people eventually. Now what is my point in the context of this post?

    Well…. I think people in a love relationship end up doing the eventual collision thing. And then there can be a reaction to the collision which in itself is a further collision. And so on and so on. Until eventually, the pain of the collisions overshadow what it was we loved about the other person. At this point love feels dead.

    I think the biggy collision is betrayal. I think it is THE MOST painful thing that can enter a relationship. If we look at history and culture, I see much support for the agony of betrayal. A couple of examples:

    In days of old, and from what I understand, still exists in some parts of the world, adultery was/is punishable by death. Now I certainly do not agree that this is right. What it does say however is that this practice must have had its foundations in the pain of betrayal.

    Another example: From what I have read of the “Mafia”, there are 3 infractions that meant certain death to a made member…. 1. Drug Dealing, 2. Unauthorized murder, 3. Cheating with another member’s wife.

    The reasoning I have read about is that drugs infractions draw too much heat, and unauthorized murder and cheating create too much hostility amongst members. So cheating us right up there with murder in this context.

    I have been on the hurtful end of a betrayal. And I can assure everyone that it hurts like nothing I have ever known. I did not want to live. So ya, cheating is wrong. It hurts.

    Now shifting gears a bit…. can a person be in love with two people at once. Well certainly they can feel attraction and infatuation with two or more people at once. I think this is well within the ability of the average human. In fact, I would say it would be an easy thing to do if we were to let ourseves go there.

    Yet, isn’t a component of deep love the singleness you have with the other person? And is there any substitute for the deep intimacy that two people can only build over time and through the testing of difficult circumstances?

    I guess I am a little all over the place with this reply. Let me sum up to say that I believe in love for a lifetime. I am remarried to the most amazing woman who I anticipate I will spend the rest of my life with. I believe deeply that we will go through some really tough periods. We already have had some challenges. But we have made the effort to work them through and keep them in perspective.

    Nobody on this earth knows me or understands me as much as she does. And vice versa. And this is only after a few years. I can only imagine what it will be like in another 10 or 20.

    I think as long as we continue with the commitment, effort, and perspective, we will continue to enjoy the feelings of love that we began with and still have. We are free to mess it up if we get negligent.

    So far it is going great. Not perfect. But certainly wonderful.




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