Chris Brown & Rihanna (my two cents)

2007_6_betawards1We have all seen and heard the mountain of news stories, radio talk shows, blog posts etc concerning the incident between Rihanna and Chris Brown. Media outlets such as TMZ  and Access Hollywood have had day to day coverage on the story. For a while I stopped paying attention because it was becoming too much of a media circus. The truth has become too far and beyond and the here say and exaggeration overpowered the real issues of the case.

For those of you who know me personally you know that I take domestic violence very seriously. I in no way support abusers and I take a strong stand against violence against women.

With that being said, I would like to first address  the fact that I along with everyone except Chris Brown and Rihanna were not present the night of the incident. We are only partakers of what the news media chooses to report. What has been reported ranges from allegations of Rihanna giving Chris Brown herpes, to Rihanna attacking Chris Brown in the car because Leona Lewis text him. Then there was the story that it wasn’t Leona Lewis, but another woman that text Chris Brown that sent Rihanna into a frenzy that led her to hit Chris Brown with her shoe. The stories have been never-ending and recently it was reported that Rihanna has decided to tell the police the true story about the night’s events. This story includes a woman texting Chris Brown, Rihanna becoming enraged and attacking him as he drove. Chris tried to get control of her while remaining in control of the car and the fight ensued. This led to both parties throwing blows in the moving vehicle and outside of the vehicle.  

The many comments I have heard and seen concerning Rihanna’s decision to remain in a relationship with someone who allegedly  beat her have been for the most part negative and ignorant. When a woman stays with an abusive partner there are underlying issues and that issue is not just the fact that she loves him. If you allow someone to physically abuse you it is guaranteed that you have some emotional issues going on as well. Physical abuse and emotional abuse go hand in hand. Even if the abuser isn’t saying things that have you emotionally distressed the victim’s own self esteem issues feelings of worthlessness are .  Many people wonder why and how a woman can continue to love and stay with a man that abuses her, but if you are an emotional wreck and don’t really know where to turn or how to get out of the situation, you will remain in the situation. Many times women are embarrassed to seek help. So many times women hear all of the negative remarks about women remaining in these situations being stupid and deserving what they get, they are afraid to speak up and seek help for themselves.

The news has also reported that Brown is now seeking a plea deal in which he would not have to serve any jail time. This could only happen if the federal charges he is facing are dropped to misdemeanors. How could the courts allow that to happen, well if the recent reports are true and Rihanna is going to admit to initiating the fight by slapping Chris Brown first, then proceeding to hit him in the face with her shoe the felony charges have a great chance of being reduced to misdemeanors because of Rihanna’s actions. For many people the news of the plea deal is shocking, but as I stat4ed before, we don’t know the whole or true story, so in the end we have two adults who have decided that regardless of what happened that night they want to be together….that is their choice.

Diddy who is friend to both Rihanna and Brown recently caught flack for allowing the pair to reconcile at his Miami home. While on the  Ellen DeGeneres Show Diddy talked about his decision to allow the couple to spend time together at his home.

Here is the video of Diddy explaining his reasoning behind his decision

In my opinion the media’s attack of Diddy over this is ridiculous. Rihanna and Chris Brown are adults. If they come to a friend and ask a favor, why wouldn’t he grant that favor. How many of us in our everyday lives have known that our friends relationships had major problems and we allowed them time to talk it out. Not because we approved of any negative behavior, but because we were their friend.

Then there is the entire show that Oprah dedicated to the topic of Dating Violence & Battered Women. Oprah is beginning to pluck my last nerve. I know that many of you are strong supporters of Oprah Winfrey but I am not for many reasons. I won’t go into detail here because that would be an entire blog entry in itself, but I will say that sometimes we need to realize that everything isn’t our business. Everything isn’t an opportunity for us to speak up and speak out on, especially if we are going to make accusations and pass judgments when we don’t know the facts.

Along with Oprah was Tyra Banks, who recounted on the show her own personal battle with and abusive boyfriend. Banks stated that the boyfriend was not physically abusive, but was very jealous, controlling and emotionally abusive.

Banks and Winfrey’s message was that Love Doesn’t Hurt and that if a man hits you once he will hit you again. Winfrey went on to say that regardless of if Rihanna hit Brown first, he had no right to hit her.

I know I may get ridiculed for this, but I don’t agree with that statement. I in no way approve of men battering women, but human nature does not always allow the first reaction of walking away. It is 100% wrong for a man to hit a woman, just as it is 100% wrong for a woman to hit a man. We should all live by the golden rule we learned way back in kindergarten which is “everyone keep their hands to their self’. This action will keep everyone out of trouble. Now in the event that a woman does hit a man he should walk away. But how many times can you walk away from someone hitting you? How many times have the people who are passing judgment just sucked it up and walked away when someone/anyone hit them? So just as Chris Brown is being verbally pounded and chastised for laying hands on Rihanna if she started the attack, she also needs to be counseled and talked to profusely about keeping her hands to herself.

I know that many people who are watching the news coverage of the Chris and Rihanna ordeal was swayed to believe everything the news reports. It is hard not to look at Chris Brown as a monster who deserves to be thrown underneath the jail. But I can personally speak on behalf of abused women and I can also speak on behalf of one of the many people who witness on a regular basis women who cannot control their anger when it comes to their man. Just as I have a personal account of being a battered woman I also know many women who will throw blows and start fights with men and live this dramified life every day.

To end this I would like to say that Domestic Violence is wrong…end of story.

But for those of us who were not there we can’t say how it happened, who started it and what the outcome should be. For our own lives are oftentimes not as much of a clean slate as we would like them to be. If we can throw stones at Chris Brown for hitting a woman and we can ridicule Rihanna for reconciling with him, we should also throw stones at our self for the bad relationship we remained in for way too long. We should ridicule our self for slapping our ex boyfriend because we found out he was cheating. We should reminisce on each time we started drama and lived to tell about it because each one of those incidents could have been one where someone took our drama serious and ended our life.

John 8:7

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.


10 thoughts on “Chris Brown & Rihanna (my two cents)”

  1. Wassup Mona, how you been?

    At the end of the day, all this amounts to is money for all the media talkin g heads. Yes Oprah’s ass included – as if she even needs the damn money; I thought she would have been above this. My thing is: these two people are not and should not be the face of domestic violence. They’re both famous, and rather financially independent unlike so many “real people” who deal with this situation daily. Add to the fact that they’re not married and are they themselves rather young. What’s overlooked as I have said before on my blog is conflict resolution and what we teach our kids about it. We have to start with the youg’uns if we are ever going to break the cycle of violence that has become so much of a norm in everyday life.

    BTW: Did Diddy check Ellen’s ass or what?!


  2. I have screamed on almost EVERY post about this that if they like it, I LOVE it. They’re gonna do whatever they wanna do any damn way, so, all those folks talkin’ about Him, Her and trying to “HELP” them need to realize that. I don’t MATTER what we think. They’ve made up in their minds they wanna be together.

    And you already know the media was gonna run this shit into the ground. Hell, he had a squeaky clean image, along with HER and they both sold millions SOLO with stories about em’ (well, him more than her). Together, they sold like HOT CAKES.

    I’m still a fan of em’ both and I wish them nothing but continued success.


  3. First it was Juanita Bynum saying she was the face of domestic violence now it is Rihanna…..

    Their situation should in no way make them the poster children for domestic violence . There are women being abused everyday, some not even making it out of the situation alive, but the media wants to plant these people as the face of domestic violence. That is ridiculouos

    As far as Oprah is concerned I was rather surprised myself when I heard that she was dedicating an entire show to battered women when I had never heard her speak against it before. I guess this was an opportunity to add another notch to her belt because now she has done something about domestic violence…whateva

    & Yes Diddy checked Ellen real quick. And it was much deserved!


  4. @Wizzy

    At the end of the day, grown folks are going to do what they want to do. They are both very young and this relationship may not be right for them, but just as many of us had to find that out for ourselves and learn hard lessons, maybe this is what they will have to do.

    Either way I am on neither side because I wasn’t there, I don’t know who got physical first and it is not up to me to judge.


  5. @ BGT: “At the end of the day, grown folks are going to do what they want to do. They are both very young and this relationship may not be right for them, but just as many of us had to find that out for ourselves and learn hard lessons, maybe this is what they will have to do.”

    And that’s what some people are not realizing. Hell, the shit you go through makes you a better person in the long run and helps you become smarter and more in tune with yourself….at least it SHOULD. While I can understand the concern that ONE of them might end up DEAD, it’s outta our hands. It has to be something THEY want.


  6. BGT…. thanks for being fair-minded and honest about the fact that none of us other than those who were actually there actually know what happened.

    Certainly it does not sound good and certainly it sounds like tome violence occurred. With such dangerous behaviour and emotionally charged issues, it is virtually impossible in my experience to accept that one account or another is the complete, untainted truth. Particularly if the account is being made with an ulterior motive like selling of news stories through tv broadcast, web, print, etc. There is just too much publicity and advertising revenue for any of these sources to report the facts withut bias.

    I recently took part in a similar dialogue at about Bebe Wynans allegations of knocking his wife to the ground. Certianly this would be a wrong thing to do. But how will any of us know what ever happened. Especially since a Christian Celebrity alleged to commit domestic violence would be hugely scanalous and the news media would be happy to throw a bucket of gas on this fire in order to increase circulation and advertising revenue.

    Frankly, the sensationalization and innacurate reporting of instances of abuse are as wrong as the abuse itself. It makes a spectacle out of a genuine human tragedy. Lives are further ruined. Children have their parents names and faces plastered all over the place.

    But frankly, what can be done? Very little on a broad scale. We cannot and will not stop reporting on instances of abuse. I suppose all I can do is continue to carry the message that says that these are significant yet delicate matters and that the news media by virtue of the advertising and criculation revenue bases will by default spin things in favour of sellng more papers and advertising. And furthermore I can do my part by not perpetuating ignorant gossip about other peoples life tragedies.

    I hope more peole will keep the children affected by all of this in mind. They are the ones who suffer most.




  7. Thank you black girl ive been waiting for some one of the opposite gender to say it. Anybody hitting anybody is wrong man or woman. Abusive men and women find if they can hit you once they will keep at it


  8. I actually agreed with most of what you said until the part about oprah windrey’s comment that Chris shouldn’t hit Rihanna even if she did start it. Sorry about I think Oprah was right. I am no way condoning Rihanna’s actions if she slapped in first or hit him with a shoe but in no way shape or form does a real man beat up on a woman if he can help himself. The man always have the options of either walking away or subduing his attacker by reasonable force which may usually require physical restraint or pinning her down if he has do. I had read numerous of messages regarding this affair and there those who actually believes Rihanna did something to make him beat on her or she have him herpes but etc. I don’t care, unless she was stabbing him to death or beating him with a bat he did not need to beat or her like that. Others are stating even if she did attack him he could have restrained her being stronger than her and knowing martial arts which I agree with. Besides it wasn’t like he just slapped her back in anger in the heat of the moment, he supposedly beat her about the face, bite her, choked her until she lost consciousness and there have been photos showing her injuries. I understand that is sometimes hard to walk away but that doens’t mean it’s not impossible, sometimes it’s better to do the harder thing it just takes a lot of strength and self-control plus it’s boys are taught young the old golden chivarlous rule that males don’t hit females and explained to them why than it would be ingrained into adulthood. Of course both genders should be taught to hit anybody is wrong and girls should know not to take advantage of the chivalrous to attack boys. So don’t think human nature should always used as an excuse. Anway feel free to email me on more of this topic if you like. Like I said I understand a lot of what you said just wanted to get my input.


  9. Thanks Adrienne for stopping by and commenting.

    I agree that a man should not beat a woman. BUT my main point is that Chris Brown, regardless of how famous he is and how much money he may have he is still human and as a human being we dont always make the decision to do the right thing. Yes as a man he should have walked away, restrained her and got away from the situtation, but as a human being we don’t always react in that fashion We have all been in situations were human nature applied itself and instead of doing what was the better option we reacted from our emotions.


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