Interracial Dating Part II


I’ve got jungle fever, she’s got jungle fever
We’ve got jungle fever, were in love
She’s gone black-boy crazy, I’ve gone white-girl hazy
Ain’t  no thinking maybe, were in love

– Stevie Wonder 1991

Back to the topic of Interracial Dating; in my previous blog post on Interracial Dating I spoke mainly on my personal preference when it comes to Interracial Dating. However with a broader aspect of the topic there are still many points that I feel play a major part in some people’s choice to date outside their race. (Date outside their race, that sounds so prehistoric and pre freedom doesn’t it)

People have the choice to date who they like, regardless of what race they are. But then there are some people that are so hung up on a specific race that it almost goes further than a preference. It’s almost a borderline race obsession. A few examples; A black person that only dates white people because they say that is their preference but upon listening to them discuss their preference it sounds more like they idolize white people.  It is as if they could somehow change their skin color they would quickly choose to be white. Or white women who date black men because they say that it is their preference but with every black man they date they fashion themselves more and more with the black culture. Each man brings on a new part of the blackness they love. Before you know it they are sporting door knocker earrings and cornrows in their hair. Not that either of these things are have the African American patent on them, but come on now, you know what I’m getting at.

Then there are the ones who have these kinds of explanations for dating outside their race (as if they actually need an excuse to date who they want to date)

(from a black man) “I date white women because they are willing to take more off a man than a black woman will. They will do more for you and come with less drama and attitude”

||cough cough bullshit||

Now personally when I hear a black man say something like that I ask him why he thinks most black women are angry and ready for drama. He usually comes up with some kind of lame excuse that doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.

Truth be told, most men who choose to date white women for that sole reason are cowards. They want something easy and feel that the majority of white women come with less baggage and little or no desire to stand up for their self. These men want someone who accepts their bullshit on a silver platter.   They feel as if they have done something big when they prance around with a white woman on their arm, proclaiming that they are drama free and easy to get along with. But in all actuality, she may be just that, but that does not mean that all white women or even the majority of white women are easier to get along with or like shiny platters of shit.

There are even some people who are so off track and dissimilated in the brain that they seek other races, so that their offspring can look a certain way. Have you heard some of this foolishness?

I want a mixed baby so he/she can have pretty skin and good hair

Good hair?? I thought we got over the good hair thing back with I’m Black & I’m Proud and when we screamed Black Power and rocked our Afro Puffs??? didn’t we??

 Well decades later some people are still hung up on skin color and what they feel is beauty. Preference is one thing, but choosing someone of a specific race because you think that race is more beautiful is a different story. When you choose to date someone because you feel that their race is better than yours you have some personal identity issues that need to be resolved before you can be happy in any relationship.

…to be continued


21 thoughts on “Interracial Dating Part II”

  1. Well, you know that I have a father who only dated white women (Married 2 of them and is STILL married to the second one) and women who could PASS for being white (The darkest woman he ever dated was my mother). I’ve just chalked it up as that’s all he can get access to. He’s lived in predominately white neighborhoods in Harrisburg and that’s pretty much what’s available. Hell, half the black women are married and WHERE married when they moved into the neighborhood. Same thing with my cousin on that side. His girlfriend is white…but they are the COOLEST peoples ever and I love em’. Hell, my Aunties and Uncle told me he’s been like that all his life. *Shrugging shoulders*. Oh, well. Whatever floats HIS boat.


  2. You obviously dismiss it as foolishness, but it’s pervasive even on the high school level. I personally don’t understand the obsession so many black men have with ABB (Anything But Black).

    I’ve heard time and time again the many reasons given by both genders that you cited: no love for the hair texture, not liking the ‘attitude’ of black women, wanting light complexioned curly or wavy haired children, having smarter kids, and also viewing having a white partner as a symbol of status and upward mobility.

    I suspect their beliefs came at a early age, making it harder to change them. I’m glad Obama’s wife is dark complexioned as I think this will have a positive effect on the racial self-esteem black but we won’t see it for another ten or fifteen years.


  3. this is my first time coming across your blog. I have to say this is a great post. and I couldnt have worded it better. and not that im completely against the idea of interracial dating but surely theres other underlying reasons brought up when men/women engage in this, alot of which are ones you mentioned.


  4. I love my African heritage and I love my white husband. Some people date people because they love them and are initially physically attracted to them with no other motive. I just wonder why some many people care about what others are doing or who others are dating. Whether it be homosexual, interracial or inter-faith relationships why does it matter to you? Even if there is some deep underlying issue of race obsession, is it happening to you? If you answered no, then mind your own business and let the rest of us be free to create a more understanding and unified world without judgement and bigotry.


  5. @Kenya..with the response you gave it seems that you are NOT so secure with your white husband and interracial marriage. If so a simple blog about someone else’s preferences and opinions wouldn’t bother you.
    Just as you are free to date and marry who you like other people are free to examine the subject and discuss it.


  6. oh and btw..when you search the internet and blog sites for posts on interracial dating and those kinds of things (as you did, that is how you found this one) you will run across quite a few blogs that may not agree with your preference. People are free to discuss this isn’t off limits (did you know that??) If you are comfortable with what you like and your decision it shouldn’t bother you.


  7. HA! You can assume what you wish as it does not affect my life in any way. And just as you pointed out, authors of blogs have the right to say whatever they want and those who read the blogs have the right to disagree and comment to show the other side of the spectrum. Thanks for the lecture though…


  8. Oh yeah and I actually didn’t search interracial dating so don’t flatter yourself. I linked off of your site from a blog I linked off of from the Vegans of Color blog (my intended read).


  9. @ Kenya…I called it like I saw it. This is your statement ” I just wonder why some many people care about what others are doing or who others are dating. Whether it be homosexual, interracial or inter-faith relationships why does it matter to you? Even if there is some deep underlying issue of race obsession, is it happening to you? If you answered no, then mind your own business”

    If that isn’t being defensive I don’t know what is. That is the statement that made me question whether you are really secure with your decision.
    When someone (as I did) post a blog entry we do so because that is something we feel the need to write about or have issues, concerns or just thoughts on…Anything we want to write about is OUR business. You don’t own the topic of interracial dating.


  10. BGT,interesting topic to me personally as i date a beautiful black woman.Of course looks are only the initial attraction because without anything of substance a relationship is doomed.But i really don’t understand why you then berate your readers(specifically Kenya) with churlish accusations that make no sense and demean what you set out to achieve here in this blog i.e. interesting, meaningful and intelligent discussions concerning all people.


  11. @ James. First thanks for visiting the BGT blog and thanks for taking the time to comment.
    Did you not read Kenya’s comment?? It wasn’t worded very nicely. Or maybe you should take a look at the first blog post on Interracial dating and see why Kenya gets the response from me that she does. She makes multiple comments and if you read her comments that aren’t very nice.

    Also the public cannot see the comments from Kenya that I had to delete because they were disrespectful and were attacks at me all because I gave my opinion on Interracial Dating. I won’t go into full detail but they had nothing to do with Interracial Dating, they were just insults directed towards me.

    So thanks for commenting, but there are no apologies as far as Kenya is concerned.

    I have always had my blog open to the public, because I like to hear what other people have to say. Just as I write and want people to read it, people also have to remember that I have the right to write whatever I like. So when you come across someone’s blog and it is on a topic that is dear to you that does not mean that you shoudl tell them to mind their own business if it has nothing to do with them. That is RUDE, so when you make rude comments you can usually expect a rude response.


  12. hello again!
    I continue to enjoy the wit and intelligence of this BGT woamn! I wish to compliment many of the commentators as well. This is an excellent and interesting dialogue. It makes people reflect on their own views and it stimulates more thoughts on all of this. It is a very relevant topic, and I feel we are all developing our experiences in many ways.
    I have my story to tell with all this, but no space here for that. I am very happily married to a guy of mixed heritage, several ‘races’ (all HUMAN!) I know I am very lucky and I think he is very lucky to have me too!
    Yes , we are all people and everyone has some baggage, because of how society has treated us and what it did, individually and otherwise; but we all are learning and growing, I would hope!


  13. whitney that was probally the most IGNORANT thing i ever herd white people are not classified in the animal kingdom. and judging by your acusation your are too.

    i agree with all sides there are some people with race obcession but their are also those who love someone for them and not for the color of their skin. i am in love with a black man and it is not for his color it is for the way he treats me and cares for me and if he was white asian or any other race my feelings would not change.


  14. When I hear things like this, it makes me laugh. Yes, there are black men who date white women for foolish reasons…and there are white women who date black men solely for sex, or some kind of obsession with black culture. I am south american and my boyfriend is African. I love him for who he is.. but it is inevitable that I am going to have to accecpt and learn about his culture. So it will obviously rub off on me… same goes to him. he is currently learing how to speak spanish. this is not because he is ashamed to be Afican. he has much pride… he is just keeping an open mind and embracing me and my roots… but never neglecting his. love is about growing and sharing your life with the person… and love does not discriminate against color or race. love and let love. i dont get why people make such a fuss.. just do you and who cares what other peple think or say, who are you living for?


  15. maybe you should be extinct! its narrow mindedness like that, that makes me ashamed of my race!! shame on you


  16. Thank you so much for writing this blog entry! I’m a mixed race (English/Sicilian) white woman and I’ve just started seeing a black guy, it’s my first interracial relationship and it should just be as simple as all my other relationships but it’s not! Theres so much other stuff under the surface I feel I need to talk about, I feel like I’m starting to see my surroundings differently or something. I hope you don’t mind if I share it with you, it’d be nice to get someones opinion on all the thoughts bouncing around in my head.
    So the guy I’m seeing doesn’t seem to be hung up on race, he’s had girlfriends of many ethnicities, his last girlfriend was black, I think he just likes who he likes, that’s cool, i admire that and it’s early days but i really like him a lot.
    As for me, i’ve never dated or even kissed a black guy before! I don’t know why it just never happened, that’s not to say I’ve never been attracted to black guys, I think it was insecurity on my part, I didn’t think they would be interested in me! I think by making such a strange assumption I missed out some what.
    So anyway I like him, he likes me it’s great but theres all this extra, ok I’m going to say it, baggage I need to work through, or more accurately my friends and family need to work through.
    So first of all I’m talking to my mum a few weeks ago and i mention I’m seeing someone and she asks me to describe him and I don’t want to say he’s black because it’s instantly going to be more of a big deal than if he’s white because no one in my family has gone out with a black guy and that should matter but you still think about it anyway you just can’t say it and i just know what my mum’s going to say, know why? Because she says it!
    Mum: so….is it true what they say about black guys?
    Me: I don’t know mum, I don’t know I’ve only just started seeing him, so i don’t know…..mum Im not talking about this with you!
    Mum: well when you do, fill me in ok?
    Me: Mum can we please talk about something else?
    Mum: Are you going to have children with him?
    Me: We’ve literally been seeing each other for about two weeks!
    Mum: Oh you two would have such beautiful children! and it would be the first bi racial child in our family.

    I know exactly what is going through my mum’s white suburban mind, her caramel skinned beneton grand child like it’s some sort of fashion statement! So she’s immediatley divided my boyfriend into two categories, big dick and beautiful biracial grandchild maker and I just want to see him as a man, not a novelty no different from the guys I went out with before him.
    My friends do the same thing, especially my male friends, they seem threatened around him and are always trying to ask me in a wierd roundabout way if he’s well endowed “he’s tall!” “He’s got large feet” it makes me feel self conscious that my friends think of him as a sex object or try to picture us having sex, or that I’m going out with him to shock people, when I’m seeing him because I like him.

    I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do, the way everyone is acting around me makes me feel so self conscious. Also I wonder if I’m being selfish by dating a black guy because so many people disapprove of interracial relationships and they don’t have the same ease and encouragement as same race relationships.
    Also I have a friend who is biracial and she’s very unhappy, she’s had a hard life, much more difficult than mine, she says people don’t realise how difficult being biracial is. My mother is wrong being mixed race is not a novelty, it’s a difficult life. I’d feel terrible, so selfish if I had a biracial child and they were unhappy because of me because I fell in love with a black guy and had kids.

    I don’t know what to do.


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