Mona 901

BGT & Interracial Dating


5680865_1580914 I was watching The Bad Girl’s Club last night (it was hawt might I add) and one of the girl’s this season said that she does not date outside of her race. She said she would not date a black man or any man that wasn’t white.

That got me to thinking..why have I never dated a white guy, or an Asian guy or a Mexican guy??

The simple answer is that I love black men, and have not found that there is a shortage of them for me to start perusing other races.

The more complicated answer is that even though I am an adult and have my own life and way of thinking, I was raised in a family that is not very accepting of interracial dating. Many African Americans (myself included) grew up with phrases like this being used

“If he/she can’t use your comb then don’t bring em home”

Now if I were to play pretend for a moment, I can vividly picture what would happen if I were to bring someone home other than a black man…

***picture this***

I tell my folks that I am bringing someone special home. Our relationship is serious (they know I wouldn’t bring any ole body home) and I would like for him to meet my family. I would also have to tell them he isn’t black…for his sake that would be a mandatory element of the pre-meeting conversation.

If he were a white man, my mom would be cordial but she would have a look of “Lawd my daughter done started jiggin” on her face. My brother wouldn’t care because he doesn’t care if I dated a booga bear as long as we didn’t need any help from him. My cousins/aunts etc. wouldn’t spare a word. They would make comments such as these in front of the gentleman “Lawd this chile don’t brought home a white man, now ain’t this about a blip”, “Aww hell she don’t went white, another one bites the dust.”

If he were Mexican my mom would want to know where I found him ||blank stare|| She would of course be civil and she wouldn’t say anything mean, but once he was gone she would ask me if he was legal and if he wanted to marry me to become a legal citizen. My brother, once again wouldn’t care and as expected my other family members would make comments that were inappropriate. Things like “A Mexican, aww hell naw…A Mexican??” ||GASP||

If he were Asian my mom would still be nice to him, but she would pretty much conclude that I met him at one of the neighborhood corner stores, because surely his family owns one of them. My brother would first laugh, then he would laugh again, then he would go back to chill mode and not give a damn. As for my other family members they would have a riot off of this one. They would swear that they knew him from the corner store and that Mr. and Mrs. Wong were his parents. Even if he denied it, they would be still believe that his family owned a store in the neighborhood.

Now even with my family not being comfortable with interracial dating and not being the best guest when in the company of interracial couples, my main reason for never dating outside my race is my personal preference of black men. I have never found any reason to date any man but a black one. Don’t get me wrong, I have been approached by white men and even a Spanish guy, but I have never been interested in the offers. Black men come in so many wonderful packages that even when tired with one specific design you can change it up a little and still have a helluva good black man.

I cannot say that I would never date a man that wasn’t black, but I will say that I love black men and for now I have no shortage of Black Man Packages to choose from.

-side note: I have more to post on the topic of Interracial dating including preference or ignorance and racism and hatarism of Interracial Dating (I may edit this blog post 2morrow)

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26 comments

  4. I had sex with a white chick for the first time out of curiousity. I never thought about marriage outside of my race. Would you consider having sex outside of your race? Lately I’ve been wondering about having sex with a chick from Mubai since they’re all up in the news. I heard those Indian chicks are freaks. Matter of fact, I need to look into some Indian porn.

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  5. Rippa you a MESS!!! but I have heard other men say that too, dating and being in a relationship with a white woman but never really considered marrying a white woman….

    I kind of understand that viewpoint..but dating someone often leads to marriage doesn’t it..so how do you make that decision if it is a serious relationship?

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  7. HMMMM…and EVERYONE want to be treated equal huh? and those who aren’t wanna cry about it! It’s not the word we live in it’s the people!!!

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  8. @ Eve..don’t really understand your comment. But if I pretend to I would say that some people only date within their race, not because they are racist, but because it is their preference. I like black men, that is who I choose to date. Some may not look at skin color, but at the end of the day the person you choose to date or be in a relationship with is your choice. There has to be some kind of attraction. I date who I am atrracted to, as do many others. Some are attracted to a variety of races, as for me I am fine with dating just black men.

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  9. lol! My parents would die if I brought a white chick home. Thank God I’m my own person, because I know I’d have to fight them mofos, denounce them on my radio show and get a restraining order.

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  11. My Mama already concluded that I’m gonna bring home a white girl..or a girl that could PASS for white. She told me at a young age “You just like Yo’ Daddy, Like them LIGHT girls”. She wouldn’t care, though. My Mom’s is cool about shit like that. Hell, my DAD? He’d have a big ass smile on his face like “THAT’S MY BOY!!!”. When my Mom told him that I was cool with a white girl in school, he was cheesin’ so damn hard. *SMDH* My Father’s side would just say “Yeah, you can TELL that’s Yo’ son” to him and they’d be cool about it. My Mother’s side? They’d be alright…for the most part.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that all women have one color in common..and that’s PINK! (Use your imagination). As long as I see THAT color, I’m STRAIGHT.

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  13. Hey BGT – I stumbled upon your blog, and this post fascinated me in particular. I’m white… I guess.. it’s what people have labeled me as even though I’m part american indian, part irish and scottish, adopted, and make better beans and greens, mac and cheese and barbecue than most other folk I know. My wife identifies herself as black, although she’s mostly like her mother, personality-wise, who’s white. My wife’s father, however, is a black man from Florida who came up north to New York to work at GM on the assembly line. My wife dated mostly white men before we began dating, although not exclusively, as she’s the more open minded of her family. Her mother accepted me with open arms, but it’s taken her father longer to come around to accepting me… in fact, the last time I spoke with him was before we married and the words were brief as he would neither sit at the same table with me, share the same food with me or breathe the same outdoor air with me.
    That was a tough reality for me to come to grips with, as far as we’ve come as one nation, we’re still at civil war even with the people who wish us no ill will. My sister dates a black man, and I love him like a brother and hope the best for him as I know that it will only bring prosperity to my sister and her children as well. My family loved my wife immediately and she was welcomed into the family without judgement or reserve.
    Since dating, my wife and I have learned a lot from each other, and it’s made me think about the racism we’ve encountered by other people, some of our own friends and we’ve become wiser about the issue of race.

    The presidential election seemed to sum up a lot of feelings that I’ve had for a long time about race… it’s about TIME. People have asked me with a peculiar look, “Why did you vote for Barack Obama?” and I tell them, because I’m a white male in my thirties that doesn’t trust any man over 60 to represent me… Hillary didn’t represent me, not even when she was in New York, John McCain represents the status quo and is a phony… at least with Obama, I have a level playing field for someone who represents me. Obama has a multiracial family (I hate the term interracial.. it makes it seem like anyone still gives a fuck about a racial barrier.) and my own family will be a multiracial family… who else is going to understand that? Our next president, America’s first honest-to-goodness, black president is going to represent me, my wife, and our children, and I’m more than okay with that.

    Since my father-in-law’s first meeting with me, he’s gotten a little flack from the rest of the family about giving me a chance and I’m glad that he’s softened his stance about me, especially since I know how much my wife loves him and needs his approval, and I’m hoping the day will come when he’ll call me “son” and ask my help to restore the car that’s been sitting in his garage for the past 15 years so I can show him that I bleed the same color that he does.

    Peace all.

    Scott
    Buffalo, NY

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  14. I had so much fun reading your post! For me, obviously, it was the other way round.. I am white and I did marry a black man. I’m from holland, but half italian.. when I was in italy one day, when we were still dating, I told a great-aunt that my boyfriend looked like ‘that brazillian-type-guy over there, only darker’ to which she corrected my speech (must have thought I didn’t know the right word for lighter in italian) ‘no, you mean LIGHTER’..

    No, I said, I meant DARKER.. as in.. chocolate.. and she replied: “Oh no! you can’t be marrying such a person, they have a whole ‘nother culture and a whole ‘nother religion” .. the fact that he was in my church didn’t seem to bother.. *lol*

    Greetings from the netherlands!

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  15. God it sucks that ignorance still runs so rampant. Isn’t your family black? Don’t they know their history? How can we be so racist and push all these stereotypes (Mexicans, Asians) on other people and liter the internet with such tasteless and archaic GARBAGE. We were the oppressed and now we want to start being oppressive? Passing inaccurate judgments on people without getting to know their character first is completely embarrassed. I guess we can hang a photo of Martin Luther King up in our home even though we didn’t quite comprehend his message. Equality didn’t just end with us. As a black person I’d be ashamed to make any of the statements mentioned in this block regarding other races. I mean insinuating that someone is illegal because they are Hispanic is INSANE in 2008. I guess some of us forgot we used to be considered property…

    Some might find this post funny, but think about what “they” say about us when we aren’t around and see if you find any humor in that!

    We are all people, we are all one and with a mentality like this the possibilities for love are beautiful and endless…

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  16. @ Kenya.

    (this may sound rude but I’ma say it anyway) You seem to either be not too comfortable in your own skin OR you aren’t as comfortable with your interracial dating preferences as you say you are.

    And some may have found the post funny because not everyone is so thin skinned that they can’t see the lighter side of things. You on the other hand have stated in another post that you are black and your husband is white, that is your choice, so why does it bother you so much that not everyone agrees with or would date interracially?

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  17. I don’t mind it (to each his/her own), people can feel how they want and be agaisnt whatever they want (even when it has nothing to do with their own lives). However, I feel this is blog is spouting HATE SPEECH and I will exercise my 5th admendment right to combat it and show that there is an opposing view which simply involves TOLERANCE AND RESPECT! Even on a small scale (your blog), I hope that my comments make people THINK!

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  18. Oh yeah and BTW, instead of being defensive you should have addressed my comment (we both know why that didn’t happen).

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  19. @ Kenya, what part of your comment was there to address? it was defensive blahness posed as a valid statement.

    You seem to want validation for the path you have chosen for you life. I don’t (we don’t) know you personally. This blog was based on my truth. I didn’t pretend to get solicitaion or input, I wrote this from my world.

    You say as a black person you would be ashamed to say the things I said..maybe you would, but that is ONE of the many differences between me and you. YOU aren’t Black Girl Thinking. I write because I love to write, and in no way will I alter what I choose to write because of simpletons like who who blog browse and want people to address their petty statements because of their immaturity and insecurity.

    Racism exist, I now it, you know it. I guess for your sake you would like everyone to agree and sing We Are the World..not going to happen.

    I would love for racism to be deleted from our world, will that happen, I never forsee that happening.

    Will BGT stop writing what she wants because some people have issues with it, no.

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  23. Love this article! it is too, funny, and hits close to home for me. I only date white guys. The thing is I’m Dominican. I appear black from the outside but when I open my mouth, Spanish comes rrrolling out. lol

    Over the years I’ve gotten so many hateful stares and remarks over my preference of race. But the irony is that it’s black people who are ever offended by it. Not Asians, Not Europeans, not even Hispanics! smh

    Nope, I get ragged on by black folks all the time for not dating a black man. One female once said “You must be ashamed of your own race!”
    ‘Hey, lady, I’m not even black! In fact my Dominican mother has said less then you and SHE’S actually Hispanic, born and bred in the Dominican Republic.’

    How are people going to look down on a person for dating outside their race..and they ain’t even that person’s race?!

    Boggles my mind, every time. Oh, well. Great post!

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  24. @ youreonlive Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

    lol I know you catch hell from black people! Once they see your brown skin they assume that you are black and DUH you should be dating a black man. To each his/her own though and if you like it DO IT!

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  25. Hey there, I love this blog, really made my day! You may say that I am a white girl obsessed with black men, but the truth is, I am just not attracted to white men, it has never bothered me, but it maybe bothers my family…
    From what I have studied I am aware that the majority of people are attracted to their own race because we are attracted to people that are similar in appearance to ourselves, obviously this is not the case for everybody… There is also an affect of the opposite sex parent in a lot of studies,you are more likely to share a preference for men similar to your dad as a woman and the other way round for men 🙂
    Key is to know what you like!

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  26. Thanks Helena!

    I agree, the key is to know what you like! If you prefer black men, date them, but no one should be condemned because they choose not to date outside of their race or because they choose to date outside of their race.

    I have never really researched or read any studies that discuss attraction as it relates to race, but I am pretty sure those studies are very very interesting.

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