I will begin Part II of Open Marriages with a comment posted on Part I of Open Marriages Are You Just Afraid They Will Cheat Anyway?
The sex we have outside of our marriage makes it that much more incredible when have sex with each other
The first eight words immediately strike every moral bone in my body. “The sex we have outside of our marriage.” Is it just me or does that just sound dead wrong? The comment above was posted by someone who says they are currently in an open marriage, and have been married for thirty years. The commenter did not state whether this marriage started off open or some event or mutual desire led to it becoming an open marriage. I have a feeling that some event or mishap (cheating or the desire to cheat) is what ultimately resulted in the open marriage.
Over and over again I hear from people who see nothing wrong with open marriage that religion doesn’t and shouldn’t play any part in the conversation concerning Open Marriage. However, I am pretty sure that many of the couples involved in these open marriages took vows in a church with a ceremony performed by a minister or pastor and they said things such as before God and these witnesses. Don’t all of those things scream religion?
A question that always comes to mind when I think of open marriages is, Why Get Married? From what I have heard and read from those in open marriages their one partner does not satisfy them completely or they still enjoy sexual and non sexual relationships with various people. So why even bother getting married? Why not live your life as a single person, or if you do have a special someone who you want to remain with and they agree that you two can and should see other people, enjoy that type of relationship minus the wedding vows and marriage license.
Doesn’t that make sense?
When speaking on those couples in open marriages that start off knowing the marriage will be open, what is the real reason behind sharing your spouse? What component/s of marriage is it that makes you agree to be married, yet feel it is worth it to freely see other people? Is it the benefits (life insurance, financial stability)? Or is it that having an open marriage is an easy way to have your cake and eat it too? For many people it seems that if they can have more, they will take more, especially if they have someone willing to accept them having their cake and eat it too.
The main point I have tried to make with these blog posts is that if you want to date or have sex with various people what is the point in getting married? Marriage means a committment and being faithful. When and Where marriage began taking on the terms of sex outside the marriage is acceptable, dating outside the marriage is acceptable and it is all okay because the two people who are married agree is all a mystery to me. However, it has been said a million times before and today I will say it again “YOU CAN JUSTIFY ANYTHING.” Just as many alcoholics justify their alcohol abuse and just as many cheaters justify the reasons they cheat, many of these people who once believed in respecting their vows and being faithful are now justifying living lives that go against the very marriage vows they made. When it comes to the alcoholic it is justifying wrongdoing, when it comes to cheating, it is justifying wrongdoing and when it comes to the open marriages it is justifying immoral wrongful behavior. BUT like I said, you can |attempt| to justify anything.
- How Open Marriage Works (bettyconfidential.com)
- What Hollywood (and the World) Needs Is More Open Marriages [Free Advice] (gawker.com)
- Courtney Cox: Did An Open Marriage End Her Relationship With David Arquette? (sugarslam.com)
This story sparked my interest —> Woman seeking alimony after common law marriage
Personally I feel that she should receive child support, but as far as alimony she shouldn’t receive one red cent! If you decide to be in a relationship with someone as their wife, but not actually be married, that is a conscious decision that you chose to make. The woman in this case who is seeking money from her wealthy ex common law husband stated that each time she discussed marriage her mate was evasive. (hint hint, he may not want to marry you) She went on to say:
“I wanted to marry him from the start, but all I got from him was excuses,” she said.
She says she didn’t realize that, as a woman living with a man in Quebec without a marriage certificate, she didn’t have the same rights as a woman who was formally married.
The story goes on to say that the woman is in her 30′s and met her ex when she was seventeen years old. Now just from the portion of the story that I listed above, I concluded that this man did not want to be legally married to this woman. He may have enjoyed having her as his companion and lover for all those years, but he did not want to commit to a marriage with her. If you are with someone long enough for it to be considered common law, you decide to have children with them and they are still being evasive about marrying you and give you nothing but excuses, maybe you should think about the relationship as a whole and what the outcome of it may be. What happens if you stay with him and never get married because there is a very likely chance that may happen? Those are things to consider when making the decision to live as husband and wife, but not have the legal standing of being husband and wife.
This site provides more info on common law marriage, such as which states acknowledge them, and under what terms. This might be something else for a person to consider if they choose to have a common law marriage. Whether not their state acknowledges common law marriages and if they do under what terms and for what purpose.
It must be a hurting thing to live your life with someone for years and then the relationship ends and you are left high and dry. Sort of like a regular relationship huh?
BGT Sentiments: Maybe I am just thinking with an old fashioned mindset, but why would I want to live with someone a decade or more without legally becoming their wife? If we are going to play house let’s play the full version of it, marriage license in tow. Living together and being happy is one thing, but putting yourself in a situation where you may end up being no more than a decade worth of common law is another. Whatever happened to the vow of marriage being something sacred and worth abiding by because you loved that person with all of your being? I know that times have changed and of course people can live their lives however they like, but why settle for half when you can have whole?