Tag Archives: Passing Judgment

Light Skin -vs- Dark Skin STILL an issue

The year is 2010 and even though I shouldn’t be surprised I am still quite baffled at how racial issues amongst the black community are still such an issue. You would think that we would be at a point now that we wouldn’t still be walking around with hatred in our hearts for each other because of skin color; especially as we consistently acknowledge ourselves as “the black community.”

However we all know that is not the case. We all know that more of us than we would like to admit have passed judgment or cast stereotypes on other African-Americans because of their “shade of brown.”  

Who hasn’t heard that most light skinned people are stuck up, think they are better than darker skinned people, use your lightness as an advantage (and are allowed to)  and just have overall cocky attitudes? Who hasn’t heard that darker skinned African-Americans are meaner, have bad attitudes and generally don’t like light skinned African-Americans?

Honestly, before I began this paragraph I had to stop and allow myself to write this post without bias because I have had my own personal experiences with light skinned people who would have probably swayed my writing had I wrote solely from my heart and personal experiences.  I have fought my own battle with trying not to stereotype all light skinned people because of the immense number of arrogant, immature  light skinned people I have had to deal with who meet and greet you with the words “I’m light skinned, I’m a redbone, I’m red….

Yesterday I read a Facebook status that stated:

Y do pple automatically assume all light skinned chicks r stuck up?? Im judged on my skin complexion everyday. MAN I LOVE TO PROVE THM WRNG! :-D

I am not light skinned, so I can in no way imagine how it feels to be judged all of the time because of my skin color. I guess I am a safe brown? I don’t know. It sounds crazy even saying that because I guess medium brown is the only shade of the African-American rainbow that doesn’t catch the flack of being too dark or too light. If you are too light some people (ignorant people) immediately think that you are stuck on yourself, you are siddity and cocky and  you will use your skin color to your advantage and you will be allowed to get away with it. People will accuse you of getting more privileges because of your skin color and many will dislike you from the moment you walk through the door. If you are too dark some people (ignorant people) immediately think that your attitude will reach the room before you do. They will think that you are mean and spiteful and that regardless of the situation you won’t agree, because you are confrontational and always hard to get along with.

Where do these ideas come from? Some will say slavery (I agree) some will say personal experiences (I agree) some will say ignorance (I agree)

I found this video on World Star Hip Hop and my first response was WOW. Not only was this so up close and personal, but it is exactly what I have heard all of my life from many light skinned and dark skinned people.  Not only did it show a lot of the ignorance surrounding this issue, but it also showed why some of the judgments take place…take a look

Lightskin -vs- Darkskin Documentary trailer

 

Don’t those things sound very familiar to you? I have heard each of those things countless times and even though its pure ignorance I won’t lie and say that I haven’t said some of the exact same things. I have come across some of the cockiest light skinned people you would ever want to meet and I have come across some of the meanest, most jealous dark skinned people you could meet and I have come across some of the meanest light skinned, most jealous light skinned, cockiest dark skinned, rudest light skinned, confrontational brown skinned, ignorant light skinned, ignorant dark skinned, arrogant brown skinned…..

you get the point

I say this to say, whatever shade of brown you may be love the skin you are in. Ignorance comes in every shade of color from powder white to black blue. Ignorance knows no color. We really need to stop with the stereotypes and hatred towards one another. Enough people of other races hate African Americans , we need to pull together and love each other as much as possible.  We call ourselves the black community which relays a message of unity and togetherness, however within this community we are at odds with each other over skin color.

BGT said it best here —> The Beauty of Black

Black is beautiful let that be the end of the sentence. There should be no conforming or need to conform to what certain people have concluded to be the beauty of blackness….

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As I was searching the net while writing this post I came across some very interesting blog posts, videos etc. concerning light skin vs dark skin.  Here are a few links I found very interesting.

Excuse Me House Nigga

Malcolm X Field Negro vs House Negro

Womanist Musings-Light Skin Vs Dark Skin

How Colorism Colors Our Daily Lives

Chris Brown & Rihanna (my two cents)

2007_6_betawards1We have all seen and heard the mountain of news stories, radio talk shows, blog posts etc concerning the incident between Rihanna and Chris Brown. Media outlets such as TMZ  and Access Hollywood have had day to day coverage on the story. For a while I stopped paying attention because it was becoming too much of a media circus. The truth has become too far and beyond and the here say and exaggeration overpowered the real issues of the case.

For those of you who know me personally you know that I take domestic violence very seriously. I in no way support abusers and I take a strong stand against violence against women.

With that being said, I would like to first address  the fact that I along with everyone except Chris Brown and Rihanna were not present the night of the incident. We are only partakers of what the news media chooses to report. What has been reported ranges from allegations of Rihanna giving Chris Brown herpes, to Rihanna attacking Chris Brown in the car because Leona Lewis text him. Then there was the story that it wasn’t Leona Lewis, but another woman that text Chris Brown that sent Rihanna into a frenzy that led her to hit Chris Brown with her shoe. The stories have been never-ending and recently it was reported that Rihanna has decided to tell the police the true story about the night’s events. This story includes a woman texting Chris Brown, Rihanna becoming enraged and attacking him as he drove. Chris tried to get control of her while remaining in control of the car and the fight ensued. This led to both parties throwing blows in the moving vehicle and outside of the vehicle.  

The many comments I have heard and seen concerning Rihanna’s decision to remain in a relationship with someone who allegedly  beat her have been for the most part negative and ignorant. When a woman stays with an abusive partner there are underlying issues and that issue is not just the fact that she loves him. If you allow someone to physically abuse you it is guaranteed that you have some emotional issues going on as well. Physical abuse and emotional abuse go hand in hand. Even if the abuser isn’t saying things that have you emotionally distressed the victim’s own self esteem issues feelings of worthlessness are .  Many people wonder why and how a woman can continue to love and stay with a man that abuses her, but if you are an emotional wreck and don’t really know where to turn or how to get out of the situation, you will remain in the situation. Many times women are embarrassed to seek help. So many times women hear all of the negative remarks about women remaining in these situations being stupid and deserving what they get, they are afraid to speak up and seek help for themselves.

The news has also reported that Brown is now seeking a plea deal in which he would not have to serve any jail time. This could only happen if the federal charges he is facing are dropped to misdemeanors. How could the courts allow that to happen, well if the recent reports are true and Rihanna is going to admit to initiating the fight by slapping Chris Brown first, then proceeding to hit him in the face with her shoe the felony charges have a great chance of being reduced to misdemeanors because of Rihanna’s actions. For many people the news of the plea deal is shocking, but as I stat4ed before, we don’t know the whole or true story, so in the end we have two adults who have decided that regardless of what happened that night they want to be together….that is their choice.

Diddy who is friend to both Rihanna and Brown recently caught flack for allowing the pair to reconcile at his Miami home. While on the  Ellen DeGeneres Show Diddy talked about his decision to allow the couple to spend time together at his home.

Here is the video of Diddy explaining his reasoning behind his decision

In my opinion the media’s attack of Diddy over this is ridiculous. Rihanna and Chris Brown are adults. If they come to a friend and ask a favor, why wouldn’t he grant that favor. How many of us in our everyday lives have known that our friends relationships had major problems and we allowed them time to talk it out. Not because we approved of any negative behavior, but because we were their friend.

Then there is the entire show that Oprah dedicated to the topic of Dating Violence & Battered Women. Oprah is beginning to pluck my last nerve. I know that many of you are strong supporters of Oprah Winfrey but I am not for many reasons. I won’t go into detail here because that would be an entire blog entry in itself, but I will say that sometimes we need to realize that everything isn’t our business. Everything isn’t an opportunity for us to speak up and speak out on, especially if we are going to make accusations and pass judgments when we don’t know the facts.

Along with Oprah was Tyra Banks, who recounted on the show her own personal battle with and abusive boyfriend. Banks stated that the boyfriend was not physically abusive, but was very jealous, controlling and emotionally abusive.

Banks and Winfrey’s message was that Love Doesn’t Hurt and that if a man hits you once he will hit you again. Winfrey went on to say that regardless of if Rihanna hit Brown first, he had no right to hit her.

I know I may get ridiculed for this, but I don’t agree with that statement. I in no way approve of men battering women, but human nature does not always allow the first reaction of walking away. It is 100% wrong for a man to hit a woman, just as it is 100% wrong for a woman to hit a man. We should all live by the golden rule we learned way back in kindergarten which is “everyone keep their hands to their self’. This action will keep everyone out of trouble. Now in the event that a woman does hit a man he should walk away. But how many times can you walk away from someone hitting you? How many times have the people who are passing judgment just sucked it up and walked away when someone/anyone hit them? So just as Chris Brown is being verbally pounded and chastised for laying hands on Rihanna if she started the attack, she also needs to be counseled and talked to profusely about keeping her hands to herself.

I know that many people who are watching the news coverage of the Chris and Rihanna ordeal was swayed to believe everything the news reports. It is hard not to look at Chris Brown as a monster who deserves to be thrown underneath the jail. But I can personally speak on behalf of abused women and I can also speak on behalf of one of the many people who witness on a regular basis women who cannot control their anger when it comes to their man. Just as I have a personal account of being a battered woman I also know many women who will throw blows and start fights with men and live this dramified life every day.

To end this I would like to say that Domestic Violence is wrong…end of story.

But for those of us who were not there we can’t say how it happened, who started it and what the outcome should be. For our own lives are oftentimes not as much of a clean slate as we would like them to be. If we can throw stones at Chris Brown for hitting a woman and we can ridicule Rihanna for reconciling with him, we should also throw stones at our self for the bad relationship we remained in for way too long. We should ridicule our self for slapping our ex boyfriend because we found out he was cheating. We should reminisce on each time we started drama and lived to tell about it because each one of those incidents could have been one where someone took our drama serious and ended our life.

John 8:7

He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.